Queen of the Juggle

Letters from child support office.  Wage garnishment happens.  Over $600 per paycheck.  No one can agree on the arrears amount.

Another jackass email from the rat.  Rat sends spreadsheet of owed amount.  It’s of course WRONG. 

Get a letter from child support office that they will report that I owe 10K to the credit reporting agencies.  Another letter arrives from the same office indicating that since I owe $9000.00 plus they will be taking any tax refund.  I figure I owe $3000.00 or less.  The caseworker says I owe about $6000.  Now…that said, who the hell at their office can agree on the amount.  Rat won’t agree to the amount because he’s a control freak.

We pretty much did all that we needed to do at the hospital. Our nurse and her student again were fabulous! Letty the CNA was also great. They sent us home with a good supply of formula and a package of diapers. That was really helpful since Carter was 4 days early and I hadn’t gotten far enough to buy formula. We received some diapers from the baby shower, so that is really nice to have on hand.

After we arrived at home, the boys were really intrigued by their new brother. They really couldn’t put together the “baby in the belly” was now “baby in the boppie”.

Mom was here and since Carter was born on a Thursday she stayed through the weekend.  It was good to have her here.  When she left my emotions were very open and high.  It was hard because it is just as difficult for Chip as for me.  We had some words last night that didn’t help the situation.  I need him to be my rock.  He is my rock but I was needing it at that moment.  

The first days for me have been quite overwhelming. I felt postpartum depression set in almost immediately.  I have been just uncontrollably sad/emotional.  There has been depression in my life for many years that I have proactively treated with therapy and medications.  It has been the best thing for me and for those I care about.  Anyway, I just felt like maybe I couldn’t do it.  Could not handle 4 kids under the age of 3 very well and then how could be of quality and truly present to the girls when they get here.  Especially since the little boys are hitting the ego based terrible twos.  I’m sure it could be worse, but multiply by 3 and wow.  Makes me doubt myself. ALOT!

Brandi also is here which is fantastic!  We need her so much.  Hopefully she stays happy.  There are so many times that I wish we could pay her more.  She’s a fabulous nanny to our family.  I’m grateful every day that we have her.  I know I couldn’t have made it through these first weeks very well without her.

I saw my primary care doc recently about the depression and not sleeping too.  We evaluated the meds and she notice maybe my thyroid was low.  She tweaked the depression meds and the thyroid.  I was weepy and crying through the whole appointment.  It’s frustrating to not be able to control the emotional stuff.  The impact on me and my ability to be the best I can for my family is crushing sometimes.

I know it will get better, but man, it’s a little rough right now.  Add in the house limbo we’re in with the Las Vegas homes and the child support situation…arrgghhh.  I don’t know how much I can take and actually deal with.

These first few weeks with Carter have been great.  He’s mellow when the little guys are screaming.  He sleeps a lot and gets up about every 3 hours.  He’s got a tiny little cry.  It’s very sweet and makes my heart melt.  It isn’t easy to be up every 3 hours and function.  It’s all very worth it.  That I know for sure.  The boys have been a little out of sorts.  We’re seeing more tantrums, but I’m not sure if that’s just because they are 2 or adjusting to a new family member or both.

One thing is for sure…it’s an adventure.

“sit the potty”.  Not much luck with potty training. 

Lots of chatter and sentences. 

Ryan is Mr. Policeman.  Gary and Ben have tantrum issues.  They jump up and down and scream.  It’s AWFUL.

This post is long and full of bitterness….

Basically, my ex called the state to collect child support because I didn’t respond fast enough to his inquiries…he never put a time limit, but that didn’t enter into the conversation.  I shouldn’t be surprised because that’s how he operates.  However, as of July 6, my drivers license will be revoked.

This is an email string between my rat ex and myself regarding child support.  The carroted statements are by him and you can see the interjection of my comments in between…it’s a rough cut of the emails.  First piece is my initial email to him and the 2nd piece is his response and then I interjected thoughts that I responded back to him with.

 

; —–Original Message—–
From: Sherri Mcvey [mailto:sherri@metaforge.net] Sent: Friday, June 18, 2010 4:44 PM
 To: J.F.
Subject: Child Support

 J.,

We need to have a discussion about the child support.  I’m about to outline a couple of items and I would hope that you would think back to my own generosity to you over the years, especially considering the money that you still owe me and that you did not pay child support for so long.

Here’s the situation…
1.  I don’t understand why you wouldn’t work with me directly and that you would involve the state in our business, especially regarding child support.  There is absolutely no good reason for this and frankly has held up so many things.  However, since you have, if I pay you, according to the paperwork that I received, my payments won’t count.

 2.  I have responded to all the paperwork by the state asking for a payment plan and yet, on July 6, they will revoke my driver’s license due to lack of payment.  I also responded to the wage garnishment, which is totally ridiculous but if that makes you happy, then fine, but as you will see below, there are other items to be addressed.  Consequently, I did get the notification of wage garnishment, however, no garnish has ever occurred.  The state has all of my employer info, so this should not be an issue.   Besides that my attorney said all they have to do is pull up my social security number and they can access anything they want.  I have faxed all the information and yet, no one will call me back from the state.  I just get nasty letters about what I haven’t done, which is not true.  Again, you didn’t work with me, so my choices are very limited.
3.  I cannot afford to pay you the amount.  Even though it’s none of your business, our homes are going into foreclosure.  We will try to short sell them, but with the Vegas economy, I feel as though it won’t work.  I would hope that you and I could come to an agreement that works for everyone without involving the state.  If I could even pay you the full amount, the result would be that I cannot afford to fly the girls here and certainly we could not afford to do much while they were here.  Right now, which, from my perspective is not the case for you, we have to think twice about ordering a pizza let alone trying to do something with the girls.  They want to kayak this summer and I need to figure out a way that I can do it.  All that said, if we can come to an agreement, we would set up an automatic bill pay to you.
> These are just the facts John.  All of this has been unfortunate.  I’m doing the best I can and will be more than happy to try to work something out.  However, if my driver’s license gets revoked, even after I have requested a payment plan via fax (which I’d be happy to supply to you) I would like you to explain why to the girls.  You’ll need to explain to them why Chip will be picking them up and taking them to the airport when I have done my due diligence to correct the situation with the state.  Furthermore, if I can’t drive, that impacts my job, which doesn’t help the situation either.
In addition, if at all possible due to costs, I would not like to have to involve attorneys other than basic items or writing up paperwork.  I simply can’t afford to spend any more money.
I also received your bankruptcy information as did Chip.  Why were both of us notified?
Please respond to this email in the next 5 days if possible with information about the state and/or your response.
Thanks
 

J.F. wrote:
June 22, 2010

Sherri,
This letter is in response to your June 18, 2010 email about child support.You start by reminding me of your generosity over the years including a loan
that you made to me and that I did not pay child support “for so long”.   I
don’t think rehashing the past is generally productive, except, of course
that I do try to dwell on the good things you have done for me. That helps
me foster cordial feelings towards you so that we can more easily work together as good parents whose primary goal is the welfare of our daughters.I assume you do much the same.
  
My feedback…
The only reason I have any sort of connection to you is because of our daughters. I’m certain you’re choosing to ignore/not rehash the past. Perhaps it’s because you selectively remember things and it would require you to face the fact that I was generous and took the high road every time and DID NOT involve the state in our matters. Maybe that’s just hard for you to remember because you have no inclination to do anything nice or good for me and was very quick to involve the state.

J.F.’:
In any case, I gratefully acknowledge that you have at times been generous to me and I also For example, at the time of our divorce, I willingly agreed to pay all of your expenses for 2 years including all costs for a nearly new car that we had just purchased and all of your rent and utilities even though my attorney told me I need not, in fact should not, agree to such terms. When you moved to Reno, you took me to family court asking not only for full custody of our girls but also for repayment of arrears child support and the loan you made me.  

My feedback…
I thought you didn’t want to rehash the past. Hmmm. You bought your way out of the marriage. Pure and simple. Your choice. You were probably distracted with your sexual relationship with Jennifer. Its not my fault that you didn’t follow your attorney’s advice. Besides, it bought you a way to keep the business and the house. Don’t forget those important details too. If you are still hung up on that, that sounds like your harbor quite ill feelings for me. You made the offer and I accepted. Little do people know who they are dealing with. I took you to family court because just as we went to mediation in the past, you are completely closed minded to anything but what JOHN wants. No matter how it impacts anyone else. That was clear from the first conversation that we had about where the girls would be that you were very unwilling to negotiate anything.

J.F.:
With the court order of March 10, 2009 any previous child support, insurance requests, etc. have been settled. You were awarded 18 months of the back child support you asked for.  Said back child support that I owe was to be reduced by the monthly child support you owe me until my 18 months of back support were paid in full. That back child support I owed you was paid off during the first week of April 2010. The loan you made to me was not
included in that court order because you did not present data to support it.

My feedback…
The courts are charging me all the way back to January the full amount. If I could possibly get anyone on the phone perhaps I could correct that. I have sent a fax, but again no answer. Clearly you’re saying this isn’t your problem, but it really is. Until it gets straightened out so I can begin making some sort of payment (even though the child support office wants the full amount), you don’t get paid. All I want is corrected numbers and clear answers. I was hopeful that you would be nice and work with me on the amount. My fault for again trying to work things out amicably.

J.F.:
In regards to your Item 1:    You say that you wish that I would have contacted you directly about the child support you own me and not involved “the state in our business”.   I did contact you directly to resolve this.  On Sep 22, 2009 I mailed you a letter (see attached) with a spreadsheet detailing what I owed you and what you owe me. On October 2, 2009 I received an email from your husband Chip (see attached) stating my letter was received and he says he will get back with me. In that email he stated he would address 1/2 of the insurance (that was already brought up in court and resolved) as part of his review.  I was married to you, not Chip, so I have no interest in dealing with him.  That was last October and I have not heard from him (or you) about this matter since.

My feedback…
Chip carries the insurance. He has to get the information via his VPN system and his HR and have the documentation provided to us, which is what was said in court. I don’t believe our order says there is a time limit on this. You could have also asked me to communicate with you, but his message was meant to try and work peacefully. I AM married to Chip and if I choose to let him/have him speak on my behalf, that is my choice. I was not aware that you were waiting for anything from me or that there was any time limit. I did get your spreadsheet and in fact submitted it to the child support office as back up to a) prove that I don’t owe back to January and b) that I do believe it to be correct, except the health insurance stuff.

J.F.:
Rest assured that I also wish that we could have resolved this issue without my having had to go to the District Attorney for help. After waiting months for your reply, I felt I had no choice but to protect the girls’ interests as best I could. Contacting the District Attorney seemed and seems the best way for me to secure the court ordered child support.

My feedback…
I’m not quite understanding this piece of your message. Perhaps I’m too stupid to get it, but what were you expecting for a reply? Again, the insurance is not carried by me and I cannot control the time it takes to get documentation. How about letting me know that if whatever it is you wanted answered wasn’t that you were going to the state? How about that courtesy? After all, I did bail you out of jail for child support non payment to Marie and oh yeah, you slept on our couch when you and Marie were fighting. Oh yeah, you also sued me for custody when you and Marie were married. So, apparently all of that was meaningless to you.

J.F.
In regards to your Item 2:     You say that you have responded to the State with payment plans but it has made no reply. Furthermore, the State has said it will revoke your driver’s license on July 6 due to lack of payment of the child support. Also, you have received a notice of wage garnishment but no garnish has occurred to date.  I, of course, cannot control how a state agency conducts their business. I do not have authority to tell them what to do. However, it is my understanding that they just want to see you paying on a regular basis.
While I can see why you want to establish a payment plan before you write a check, it seems that time is of the essence and making an attempt to pay something may well allow you to keep your license. Revoking your driver’s license is their punishment to get you to pay, not to get you to try to create a plan.  

My feedback…
If I can’t speak to anyone about garnishment or payment, what exactly do you expect me to do? You could control the situation by saying that you and I will work together to take care of the situation and take the state out of it. You could also attempt to assist me in getting help with the state. I don’t see any sort of suggestion to that in this message, which may be a logical step in the right direction. Again, you show no generosity or assistance to me.

J.F.:
Since you are having trouble getting explanations or, for that matter, any response from the State, I will share the District Attorney’s procedure in this case as the staff has explained it to me.

My feedback…
REALLY!?! That’s interesting since I can’t get my caseworker, Ms. Carpenter to speak to me, respond to a fax or get a call back. That’s very interesting that they would lay out the process to you.

J.F.:
The Clark County District Attorney’s office offers a public service to collect child support.  Because you live out of jurisdiction of Clark County, they can only do a wage garnishment and/or ask the State to revoke your driver’s license.  Should child support continue to not be paid after the drivers license revocation, the District Attorney will transfer this case to the Washoe County District Attorney’s office, in your jurisdiction, and proceed to serve you for contempt of court to have you show cause for failure to pay child support. This would happen in the Reno court system, with a Reno judge deciding the outcome.

J.F.:
Well, I guess if I can’t get anyone to reply, I’ll have to wait for that and just endure a driver’s license revocation. However, I will again remind you that no wage garnishment has occurred and they have me in arrears since January. There is no way for me to make that payment and the paperwork states that I must be caught up. So…what would you suggest? Also, not having a drivers license could potentially result in me losing my job since I can’t go to meetings. I suppose that would put us back in court since then I would be generating no income.

J.F.:
In regards to your Item 3:     I am sorry to hear of your financial issues. Unfortunately, I cannot negotiate a court ordered payment. It is what it is, by law. My suggestion is that you start sending something to the District Attorney on a regular basis.  

My feedback…
You have control to remove the state from our situation. You could indeed negotiate a court ordered payment if you wanted to and paperwork could be filed. But again, you only are out for your interests. You and I both know this is possible. After all I said that you could have a short reprieve of child support and you didn’t pay for over 5 years. So yes, it can be changed and negotiated. You and I can make any decision we want and have paperwork filed to show what we want. So, please don’t insult my intelligence by saying otherwise.

J.F.:
Unfortunately, I too have been affected by the recession. You and Chip received the bankruptcy information because I listed the promissory note, and any/all non-child support amounts, as a debt to be considered for discharge. In the March 10, 2009 court order, the judge legally settled any/all past child support I owe you, and with this Chapter13 filing, any
non-child support related debt I may owe you up until June 9, 2010 will be
considered for discharge.
Lastly, in addition to the back child support you owe, we need to create a plan for the $3,500 judgment repayment for the portion of my attorney’s fees that you owe. My attorney advised me to wait until my Chapter 13 bankruptcy is finished, then we plan on filing a motion with Judge Pomerantz to show cause for contempt of court as to why you haven’t made an attempt in over a year to cure this debt. We will be asking for attorney’s fees should it come
to that, and I am told that should be about another $3,000. This is not meant as a threat, I’m just telling you the game plan. However, should you formulate a plan of repayment promptly, and start sending me payments on a regular basis I will accept your plan, without interest. I too want to avoid additional costly legal fees, both for me and for you. Should we go to court, legal interest would most likely accrue. In any case, the judgment payments will not be reported to the District Attorney because they would not be for child support.

My feedback…
How about again just asking me my plans rather than sticking it to me with your “game plan”. It is indeed a threat. This last bit of news is a complete shocker to me. It was my understanding it was also coming out of the amount you owed me. That’s what my attorney (Hoskin) shared with me at the time. So, I was under the understanding that it was not an issue. However, since it is and you have now brought it to my attention, we can work something out, however with child support and everything else that you say you can’t do anything about, it won’t be much. JUST ASK ME! But no, it’s so much better for you to be underhanded and weasel your way back into court to obtain even more money because that is how you operate from your note above. You haven’t once mentioned this payment/debt to me. Interesting how now that you’re filing bankruptcy you are ready and willing to go back to court and sue for fees and interest. Very timely indeed.

Please explain to me how you will address it with the girls when I can’t afford to fly them here to see me or their other siblings. Between a payment plan with you and child support payments, it is a slim to none chance that I will be able to purchase flights.