Miserable. In pain. Can’t sleep….same as most women. I shouldn’t complain, but wow, not fun.
Glad to be on leave, but feel very insecure about work. I think it’s a little separation anxiety. A little bit of guilt over not getting more done. Still have an expense report and a few other items to finish.
Still about 22lbs. weight gain and craving sugar and Mexican food. Well, I guess you can call Del Taco “Mexican Food”.
Last doctor’s appointment today…we’re in the home stretch. Thank god!
Ben sat on the potty tonight and little, itty bitty poo ended up in the frog potty. It’s very humorous really, but he was wailing like crazy because daddy slapped him on the pot when he appeared to be trying to poop. It’s crazy around here where poop is concerned. Each boy judges the other as to whether or not they “took a dump” “so and so has a nuuuuuuuget”. Sometimes RyRy just has a “tail”. Daddy has made it a game and it’s funny. What’s not so funny is the diaper rash and the constipation that we continually suffer. We should have bought stock in the MiraLax company.
We are so proud of Ben for sitting on the potty, but man he wailed the whole way. Even when we rewarded with M&Ms and a Hershey bar. Holy crap he had melted chocolate all over his hand, still crying and it became sorta comical. Ryan was crying with sympathy and Gary was hurrying right out of his diaper to get M&Ms. It was so funny but yet mixed with mayhem and chaos all at once.
Before all of this, Chip went to get them up this morning and since we’ve changed the room into toddler beds only. I mean just toddler beds, a couple of blankets, one stuffed animal and milk cups. Somehow they managed to move the beds to the center of the room. The beds no longer have wheels on the bottom. I couldn’t believe it myself.
So back to bedtime we go. Boys go to bed and screw off. Slamming the blinds open and closed because that’s all there is in the room. Flipping the mattress over to the wrong side. Again, because that’s all there is in the room. No dresser, no nothing. So Chip goes up when the noise level was getting elevated. What do you know…beds in smashed in the corner and 2 of 3 boys with full diapers. Now it’s only been about 1 hour since they went to bed. Everyone clean, blankets and goodnight kisses.
Chip and I look at each other and wonder what the hell we’re doing. It keeps us so busy it’s exhausting. Throw in jobs, the girls who aren’t here and one more on the way…oh MY goodness. It seems almost too much for us. We wearily eat dinner, which is usually cheese and crackers, cereal, or some frozen thing and vegetate in front of the TV. Here it is almost 10:30 and we’re in bed, trying to geek out, watch TV and rest a little before we start again tomorrow. Every day is very similar to today. Sometimes they are so much worse. The whining and crying drive me crazy and hauling my pregnant self around makes it pretty unpleasant.
I still believe without a doubt that I would not change a thing. Every day is a challenge some days worse than others. I love having this family, but man. I need to vent…thank you blog for my little place in the world to talk it out of my head.
Girls are here! It’s been since April 4 since I’ve seen them. ..fight with Kaitlyn over her hair.
I’m totally nesting. Got all the baby clothes washed and things sort of cleaned out. Chip was concerned at all I was doing, but I just felt like I needed to do it.
We didn’t go to Winnemucca. It was just too hard to cart everyone over there. I was a bit sad because I wanted to go to the cemetery. It’s been a year. The other part of the sadness is that I really wanted to see my grandparents. Last year over Memorial Day was the last time and I’m not sure when we’ll be able to see them again. I tried to Skype with Grammy, but mom’s bandwidth was just difficult. It was all pixelated. At least she got to see the boys. Especially Ryan. He was a ham and said “Hi Grammy”! Kari and Heather were there since Heather is moving to the Sacramento area. They came through town after the weekend, but never stopped or sent a message. That was a bummer. I can understand that they weren’t going to stop since Garrett and River were with them, but a message would have been nice. I emailed with Kari after and shared my feelings. That’s enough.
Girls spent a good amount of time with their friends, but it was fantastic to spend time as a family as well. It was the beginning weekend of my maternity leave off. I did a lot, probably more than I should have. It was all nesting I’m sure.
Took the boys to the park both days. It was great, but tiring for me.
Fired up the fire pit for the first time in 2 years! Had a great time making s’mores. It was really nice to do that with just the girls and their friends.
Made the executive decision to buy a grill. Kaitlyn and I went to Lowe’s and did some other errands. Lowe’s had them pre assembled, so away we went!
As always it was very hard to take the girls to the airport. Flight delayed and a lot of sitting. I’m very uncomfortable these days, but wow…I feel a lot of guilt over moving. I feel guilt because of the time I miss with them, the disconnection that I often feel and constant coming and going on my end. Perhaps this decision was not a good one. I think I’m feeling some very strong emotions right now, but damn it I just don’t know what to do next about the girls. Instinctually I want to fight for them and never stop. However, I feel guilty over not paying child support yet. I have asked for a payment plan. Then the anger sets in from their father not paying for so many years. Arrrgghhh! It’s just too much. Right now may not be the best time to be thinking about this….
Today was quite the day. The boys are getting so big! Gary sat on the potty all by himself with NO diaper. Surely this is mundane for most, but not in our house! It was a milestone for us. This prompted a huge temper tantrum from Ben because Gary got M&Ms for sitting on the potty. He wailed for probably 20 minutes. The other two boys are completely mortified of sitting on the potty. It’s sorta funny, but then again not because they are so terrified. For the life of me I can’t figure out why. Chip has taken them into the bathroom and shown them how it was done. Ever since the boys really haven’t wanted anything to do with potty. I even bought 3 different potty chairs to make it more fun. I’m not sure what else to try. They seem to be unable to put it all together. Gary however loved the glory today and sat on all 3 potty chairs with a naked but. Ironically he was wearing a shirt that said “Future President” that Christina brought for them from D.C. It was pretty cute.
We also had another first. Dinner at the table with the 5 of us. It was simple. Basically hamburger stroganoff with veggies and mushrooms thrown in. Poured over the top of wheat egg noodles. It didn’t even really taste fantastic, but it was a moment that we hadn’t experienced yet. It didn’t seem to phase them. The boys were all over the map. Talking constantly and saying funny things. It cracked Chip and I up. They spent a fair amount of time saying “more bootie” and “more noodles”. We kept telling them to “stab your noodles”.
We ended the evening with chocolate cupcake from Costco. I’ve been craving them, so they are in the fridge from Mother’s Day. I like the white cake so the boys get the chocolate ones. They’re to die for! Anyway, we brushed their teeth after. All of them enjoyed that which was great.
It all then fell apart. Gary threw a fit over putting his pajamas on. Chip had him all but pinned to the floor. He was kicking and screaming the whole way. Of course then Ryan went off because he was scared for Gary. Ben was quiet, but then again he had his moment earlier in the day. It’s so crazy to hear them wail. It’s like fingernails down a chalkboard for 30 minutes at a time. All three carried on for at least that long at least once, probably more like twice each.
Lost 3 lbs. Gained a total of 22 lbs. Belly and back are just incredibly painful. Works is busy. Preparing to go on maternity leave on June 1.
Not craving sugar as much, really loving Del Taco. Makes no sense, but it’s true.
Mom and I headed to Chris’s around noon. What an amazing day! The weather was beautiful!
I was so looking forward to seeing Chris, Joyce and everyone else. I was so happy that Mom could come too. Chris sparkled, as she always does and had prepared wonderful food. The table was set so beautifully. Someday I aspire to be able to do that…
Kenna, Audrey, Michelle M. and Michelle Farren along with Chris, Joyce and Tami shared our afternoon. Time flew. More beautiful baby gifts. Everyone has done so much for us. It fills my heart. Just incredible to be able to visit and talk about a ton of stuff from the weather to working together.
Chip hung out with the boys at home and had a great day too. Again, wonderful husband takes it on and does it flawlessly. I on the other hand could not do much without him. And as I’ve been told “I don’t do anything except work and travel”. This has become a running joke in our house now.
Mom come from Winnemucca. It was great to see her! It had been since the end of January since she’d visited. The boys, although a little bit confused at first, were all over seeing grandma fairly quickly. On 5/14, Kristy posted on my FB page to call her “tomorrow” before 3, so that meant today before 3. Mom was in the shower and I was getting myself ready. It was really hard for me because I have so much animosity towards her. It’s probably built up so much now that it’s not very nice. I’ll admit that much. Kristy said she was really sad she wasn’t going to be able to be here for the shower. I told her I agreed. Then she told me a coworker had gall bladder surgery and that it just wasn’t going to happen. I told her I didn’t like it, but that’s life. I was pretty frank, but could’ve said SO much more but didn’t because she got the point of what I felt and I felt like I made myself clear. She herself brought up many more items than I would have. Finally I said it is what it is. She communicated that I couldn’t possibly understand how hard it was for her. I think I absolutely can, but did not argue the point. Does that make me weak or strong? Sometimes I’m just not sure. The whole situation with my family is so frustrating. My perspective is that we up and moved to depend on them and here we are. On an island. There’s always an excuse. ALWAYS. It’s financial, it’s work it’s time, it’s whatever you want to insert. Perhaps it sounds selfish and I certainly don’t mean to be, but OMG, I really can’t do it anymore. It was so much stress at first, but now it’s beyond that. I’m not sure what to call it, but it’s beyond that. So the conversation was fairly terse vs. combative. We hung up soon after. Kristy was crying. I was just frustrated.
Gained 21 lbs. C-Section still on for June 7. Told the Dr. no tubal. Very quick appointment. Still not feeling it with their staff which is unfortunate.