Happy Mother’s Day Mom!
Happy Mother’s day to all of those I love…I have a lot to say.
This is a long one…about Mother’s day. My thoughts are deep and emotional.
My mom started her mom journey at barely 16 years old. She turned 16 in January and I was born in March. I cannot imagine. I can’t. But she persevered. She did. Two more girls followed. By 21 she had three.
The following is entirely my perspective and no one else’s…
How do you raise children when you are almost a child yourself? How does that work? Somehow it did. Somehow someone walks into your life and accepts you…kiddos and all. And then they did. They make a house, a home a family…as dysfunctional as it may have been. And it was. Dysfunctional. BUT, along each line there was a little something that made it good. Collectively good when individually it was rough.
As I grew through the years it was not easy. There were fights, friends and foes along the way. One thing that was consistent was a family element. I’m not sure that would have been there had the circumstances been different. I often say that if Gary wasn’t in my life I would never be what I am. That much I know is true, but it wasn’t without my mother and her family either. They were all fierce about valuing family.
I have seen quite a bit from my parents. A huge desire to have control of their own destiny. Buying, selling and always working privately. Living simply. Making life the way that they wanted it. I hated it. I really did. I could never be a cool kid. I was just so stuck with the stigma that was me. Poor. Inept. Chubby. Couldn’t quite ever fit in. My heart was in the right place but I wanted to just be normal. That I know now. When you’re 13 it doesn’t matter. As much as I had wished it had.
As time has moved forward and I’ve made it through a bad marriage and had 2 beautiful girls. Those girls are crazy amazin’. In that time my dad has passed and I look at my ex and wonder how he deals with what he does. That’s his problem. My dad’s haunting recommendations are still there. I wish I had heeded them, but I didn’t.
Beyond that I see my mom working and doing everything by herself now. Not easy and I don’t recommend that either. She hasn’t had a choice. Despite that she presses on. Some bad decisions and some not. I cannot imagine. I can’t.
She works hard…really hard. Makes it work even when it seems that it won’t. That woman never gives up. I’ve learned that from her. It’s some serious shit to see her fight it all. I’m amazed. I have my fight and compassion because of that.
Speaking of compassion, I’ve never seen such compassion as my mom has for the people she serves every day. The way she stood up and served my dad when he was sick. The way she is a force for those she takes care of now. I was busy growing triplets so I didn’t get to see it but I’ve felt it 100 times over. My mom is tough. She’s hard and she’s soft. She’s giving and also takes when she needs. She cries when she needs and still drops fbombs like a boss.
I honestly think that many don’t “get” my mom. They don’t. I’m not going to try to explain it because she is who she is. It’s not up to me to define it. What I will say is that she seems softer than I can ever recall. She has more compassion and helpyouedness than I’ve ever seen. She helps people have dignity every day as they live out their later days of life. She says how she never wants those she loves to have to experience relying on others. Brings me to tears.
It also makes me so happy to share with my mom when I create stuff in the kitchen that she has taught me to do. I feel so lucky to be able to do that. I know some that read this don’t have their moms to call on the phone or write a FB message to. If you don’t I hope that you’ll take a moment and smile as you think about your mom today.
So this Mother’s day I encourage all to take a little look back. Take a look at your mom…flaws and all. Notice the feelings she has or had for you. See what, from her, has become you. My love to all the mamas out there.