Category: divorce

15 Years and Counting

Today was the day that Chip and I celebrated 15 years ago that we had initial contact.  I say this because it would be at least a week or two later that we would even be able to have a date.

I had put a profile up on Yahoo personals because I really didn’t know what else to do.  I had these two little girls and a full time job.  I had no interest in finding someone in a club, nor was there anyone at work that really struck me.  There was also no goodness to come in dating someone from work.  My goal was to meet someone and see what happens.  There is so much craziness in Vegas that you don’t just go hang out at a bar and see if you meet someone.

I had dated a really nice guy from Michigan for a few months that I met at Yahoo.  He was a sports loving writer.  We had a good time and enjoyed each other’s company, but I think we both knew it was nothing long term.  He never met the girls and that didn’t seem uncomfortable to either of us.  B moved back to Michigan and although sad, I tried to move forward.  Forward to have someone in my life to share it with.  Then along came a message that would change the game.

Chip may not want me to share, but this was his first message to me:

Mon Oct 16 2000  03:34
Hi slpfrihse,

Yes, I think I am up for the challenge. Your ad made me chuckle. 🙂 Anyway, I think you described me to a T.

Let me give you the straight stats first: I am 28, 6’1″ tall, 195 pounds, brown hair, a full-time professional, graduate school education, homeowner.

And a little more:
I like to stay in shape, and work out regularly (usually 3 or 4 times per week). I’m not a he-man, muscle man, gym rat, or anything though… I am an avid hiker, going to the usual places around here: Mt Charleston, Red Rock, the Wetlands Park, etc. I also like to play tennis and racquetball, although I haven’t had a chance to play since moving to the area in January. I love cycling too – used to ride quite a bit in Oregon, but haven’t had the right company here yet to make it worthwhile here.

I love going out to restaurants, the movies, and taking weekend trips to scenic places. I don’t smoke, don’t gamble, don’t do drugs, don’t chew, and drink only occaisionally, always limited to a microbrew or two at a time. I also like to spend quality time at home
cuddling in front of a fire, talking, watching DVDs & making popcorn – being romantic in general 😉 I’ve been known to bring flowers often, and I’m just hoping to find a woman who’s going to appreciate the little touches of romance like that! 🙂

So heck yeah, I can love and cut loose and show my romantic and sensitive side. Now I’m just hoping I can find a woman who can appreciate it! Is that you? It sounds like it might be… 🙂

I’m a good conversationalist and I’m told I have a good sense of humor – I like to laugh and smile. I’m often complimented by women on my smile – I’m hoping that’s a good thing! 😉 I’m not much into dancing, but maybe that’s because I haven’t met the right woman yet
to make dancing fun.

I am a cat person – I have two cats that I spoil rotten, but they are very playful and great fun, not loaf around the house fat cats…

I listen to all kinds of music, although I don’t care for rap very much. I’m not a couch potato – I hardly watch TV at all, unless it’s to watch a movie. I do follow football and hockey, but I don’t let it dominate my weekends like some guys might, so don’t worry about that… And I don’t mind treking around the mall – it’s actually pretty fun if the company is right!

I guess to sum it all up, I am a good, honest, open, intelligent, professional, romantic, fun-to-be-with man that wants to share his life, feelings, and love with a similar woman. I am looking for a partner, the other half as you put it, and I am tired of immature, phoney, plastic women that lie and cheat in a relationship. I hope you decide to write back to me – it sounds like we’re looking for similar things and have a lot in common!’

And from there it went.  Yesterday I posted the following on FB.

It was 15 years ago today that yahoo personals brought me a reply to my posting that would change my life forever. Back in the day when it was free to list, this broken and a little bit bitter single mother received a message in my inbox from a gentle man who had as many convictions as I did. Whether it was sports, having a good time, music, passion or nerdiness. There was something about that message that took me in. I was scared to say I had kiddos, but did it anyway. He had hesitation but did it anyway. It would be almost 2 weeks until we would meet in person, but dayam we had amazing email and phone call marathons. By the time we met he knew I didn’t need a baby OR a sugar daddy. The attached song was an anthem of sorts for us because we were (are) both nerdy and met on the “internets”. I love this man more than I ever thought I could. We’ve done more together than I ever fathomed I would do alone, let alone with the person who is my soulmate. Neither of us are without flaws. I have bigger thighs than ever and have not even 1 college degree to his multiple, but he loves me crazy amounts anyway. We are us. We are meant to be.

A taste of the good, great, bad and ugly…
– were recovering from a shitty thing called divorce
– great travel to places East and West we never thought we’d see
– bought homes
– had foreclosures
– bought a business
– had failed businesses
– made it through infertility
– are raising multiples
– lost loved ones
– have seen blessings be born
– shared live music that we love
– have seen our gardens grow
– been unemployed

I could list so much more…I am blessed beyond belief. No matter what. My heart is full. Even on a hard day I’m grateful to the universe for bringing me my Chip. A Maryland boy for this Alaska girl. A beautiful heart that I get to be next to for the rest of this life. I love you dear…with all that I am. Cheers to many, many more.

This is how I really feel.  I am beyond lucky.  There is nothing that I’ve held back from this man.  Good, bad and ugly.  Sometimes it has been ugly because I don’t have the most impressive track record.  I have an interesting family life with my extended family.  I have weird baggage.  I married someone I should not have simply because I was pregnant the first time around.  Not a good decision on my part.

The above description was the man I met for sure.  Some days I feel life I’ve drug him down  and not let him live his potential.  Other times it is justified by this everyday life we have with lots of kiddos.  Who knows.  Regardless, I’m a lucky woman to have him.  We’ve endured a ton and I’m ready for the next 15 years and more.  Absolutely.  Without question.

 

Really? Influenza A? Swine Flu??? You’ve got to be kidding!

We were so excited because the girls would be spending 5 weeks with us for their summer visit. It was a little scary and yet exciting to have the family together for a good amount of time. Both girls flew in on 7/13. Kaitlyn had called me earlier that day and said she wasn’t feeling well. I asked her if she was nervous or if she ate something that didn’t agree with her. She said no. I told her to rest, lay down and hopefully it would be better later in the day. So I went to get the girls at the airport. Kaitlyn and Gillian walked out of security and I gave them both huge hugs. It had been over a month since they had been to Reno, so I was really happy to see them. Kaitlyn just looked awful. Pale and she said she definitely didn’t feel good. I stopped at Trader Joes and Longs on the way home because it was near the airport. Kaitlyn stayed in the car and was pretty lethargic. It just didn’t seem right. We got home and I took her temp and it was 102. I started freaking out. Then came all of the other stuff that goes with flu. The poor kid was miserable. She made it through the night and the next day she said her throat hurt. I thought maybe she had strep throat so I wanted to get that taken care of right away if she was going to be sick with something contagious.

We head to the doctor that afternoon. Kaitlyn was still so under the weather. Seeing the doctor was an afternoon ordeal. She was not poked, but boy they swabbed her throat and her nose twice! Poor kids. Turns out that Kaitlyn didn’t have strep, but did have Influenza A flu. The next bit of news was that it could possibly be the same strain as Swine Flu. WONDERFUL! So the doctor said since it could be swine flu, we ALL as in all 8 of us needed to take Tamiflu just in case it is swine flu. So she wrote us 8 prescriptions. I couldn’t believe it was happening. OMG. The girls had just arrived the night before! I was beyond angry that the time was being eaten with illness rather than family time. Kaitlyn was really great about not touching the boys when she arrived. She herself said she wasn’t feeling good and didn’t want to pass on any germs. So along with illness, we waited at the pharmacy for 2 hours to get all of the medicine. The copay bill came to $307.oo. That was with our insurance. Kaitlyn and I headed home after that…now 7 p.m. in the evening. She’s feeling crappy and I’ve simply had enough. All of us did our job and did the Tamiflu. The boys had liquid and apparently it didn’t taste good. Quite the chore to get it into them. A few days later we did learn it was swine flu. Wow. I certainly had quite a bit of anger towards her dad because he had been sick a few days prior.