4/10 – Ben poops in the tub….ewwwww! Whole family goes to Red Robin. The first time for all of us. Went well but was a lot of work. We celebrated Gillian’s 10th birthday. Had a little party with a couple of neighbor kids. It was hard because Gilli invited 7 and only 2 came. However, it’s spring break and kids are off and running. The break in Vegas is almost over. In any case, our trip was exhausting, but both Chip and I felt a good sense of success. It’s so cool to stand outside of Red Robin and hug a hug of success! No one really understands it, but it’s a strong bond between us and helps solidify our family values. Ryan was really scared at first and I held him and walked around the restaurant and talked to him. He definitely was afraid, but it only took a bit of time for him to at least try it out. It was so funny. They were all a bit scared in the car. Ryan’s eyes were like saucers…just didn’t know what to think. Gary was actually shaking. It’s odd to see, but we know it’s so good to get out. Especially with all of the kids…all 5 of them.
Kaitlyn came last Saturday for her break. Gillian had already been here for 2 weeks because of her track break. We’ve had a great time. Kaitlyn coming has been a bit more challenging, but we had a frank conversation about whether she wanted to be here and what the deal was. It was an interesting conversation because a lot of what was said in the conversation were things that were said by John in court. It was really good for us and the back half of the week has been much better than the first. Kaitlyn seems to be more open. It’s a very good thing! Progress, not perfection, right?
Speaking of progress…sometimes when you feel like you’re making a step or two forward you really aren’t? The next day after the confrontation with Kaitlyn, we found ourselves talking (Chip, mom and I) about the situation with John, Kaitlyn, the girls in general, etc. A point in the conversation it turned pretty tense. Mom had a lot to say and just was not saying it. Most things I felt were not what I thought and some of them we just have a strong difference of opinion. I still won’t give up on the girls….nope, won’t do it. Sometimes I think they’re easily dismissed. They are as relevant as anyone else. It’s just not easy. I wish I/we could do more for mom and I try so hard to give to everyone credit, my thankfulness and consideration. I’m in no way perfect, but felt that I was hopefully doing the right thing…some days I think so, others I don’t. Right now I feel like I’m hanging on by a fingernail….literally. Wine seems to help, but isn’t a great answer, but I really feel so stressed. Work is not great but it is what it is and we need it. Financially we’re barely making it, but are surviving. Being in Reno is hard. These choices are painful. I wonder if I made the right ones. That continues to follow me for sure. It’s the hardest thing to work through.
I took Wed. through Friday off due to the discussion with mom and Kaitlyn’s behavior. It was such a cluster! But today was pretty good…did laundry, made Gillian’s cake. prepared for her birthday, and took care of the boys. Long and busy day. Well worth every moment. Of course, the boys also needed a bath. They were just grubby! So I gave each one a bath. Gary first, he loved it since it had been awhile since he had bathed without his brothers. Anyway, Ben was last. He had gotten up late and was almost ready to nap. I had also changed the sheets in the boys room since they seem to wet through night diapers. What a busy day…anyway, I was going to the bathroom in our toilet room and I can see Ben. He’s standing now and from the toilet I tell him to sit down. The next thing I know he’s chucking something small out of the tub. I couldn’t for the life of me figure it out. So I finish my business and then try to figure out what he’s chucking out of the tub. Little did I know, but quickly figured out that he was tossing his own turds from the tub! I was mortified to see floaties in the tub. His hair and body had been washed. OMG. I took him out immediately and tried to sponge bath him in the sink. I hope it’s good enough. Then I used the boat tub toy to scoop out the rest of the turds. It was pretty gross to see floaties in with the tub toys. YUCK. Anyway, I cleaned him up and then the tub and toys were thrown into the tub with cleaner. Tub totally scrubbed down. It was just funny for sure to see him react. There seemed to be NOT EVEN a clue that he had crapped in the tub. It was funny and frustrating at the same time. Go Ben! He’ll be the kid to do it for sure. So there were a lot of things that happened today, but it’s all good. I’m sad the girls are leaving…they won’t be back until memorial Day. My mom wants us to bring the boys, but not sure. We’ll see if we can hang at Kristys. Maybe just visit for the day. We’ll see. More to come later….