Queen of the Juggle

Smiles between 6 and 7 weeks.  It’s SO cute.

Silver Legacy event at Squaw…7/14

Back to work for the first full week 7/19 

Girls stay overnight at Audrey’s. 7/23.  They have a blast and Audrey says it’s nice too.  That’s awesome…

7/23 – Still trying to get in touch with child support office.  Get letter from CS regarding IRS and garnishing my wages, IRS taking refunds and reporting to the credit bureaus.  Can’t get in touch with case worker.  John sends emails with “recommendations” and is TOTALLY wrong.

7/23 – First trip to Pump It Up.  Gary loves it.  Ryan is good until he gets run over and Ben is just plain scared.  Good time for everyone but exhausting.  Then we go to Del Taco and we are quite the spectacle.  Lots of people look and a few comment.  It’s funny and stressful at the same time.

Kari comes to visit 7/25.  Boys play with Play-Doh for the first time.  Family first…car wash out front. 

(This post is long and graphically talks about childbirth)

I had just posted a couple of days ago and was complaining about my uncomfortable self…well, I woke up at 4 a.m. or so on Thursday, June 3. Pretty soon I felt my back hurt. Contractions. Not too bad then. Called the doctor about 5 or so after waking Chip to tell him something was up. Dr. Najima told me to take a shower, take some Tylenol and see if I felt better. She had asked me about my last appointment, which had been the day before. Dr. F. was confident I would make it to my scheduled c-section date of June 7. His position was if I carried triplets to 34 weeks, he felt fairly certain I could carry this little guy until 39 weeks.

After awhile, around 6:30 or so the contractions were far more intense and coming much closer together. Neither Chip nor I was prepared for the morning we were about to have. I was in pain and felt sure that today would be the day that I would have a c-section and then the fun would begin with the healing process and stumbling through having 4 kids under the age of 3 along with all of our other day to day things that with triplets just never seemed to get done. At least I wouldn’t be pregnant anymore. That was a plus.

Within the next hour or so, the contractions were so painful and probably no more than 5 minutes apart. I told Chip to call Brandi. He called her. In the meantime I tried to put stuff in a bag and so did Chip. We weren’t prepared and I was hoping that it would take my mind off the fact that I was in incredible pain every 5 minutes for approximately 1 minute. It felt like every minute until Brandi arrived to care for the boys was an eternity. She arrived at about 7:30. We left immediately. I had also called the doctor again and said we were on our way.

Unfortunately for us, Vista, our main street out of Red Hawk was being widened and much of it was down to one lane. Chip went up and over the hill. I was in agony sitting in the car seat and again, it felt like an eternity as we stared at the Raley’s parking lot, I squeezed his hand off during a contraction and he went for it and tried to go through the parking lot, but ROAD CLOSED!!! Oh my god, I felt like I was going to die with every bump and stop and go. Of course it has to be during rush hour traffic as well. It was truly all I could do to not scream at him to drive faster. Either scream at him or the traffic. I didn’t do either, but boy it was hard. So as fast as we could…roughly 40 minutes we arrived at Renown. We checked in at 8:10. I was standing and trying to walk. It was hard, but it was better than sitting. I was still thinking they’d take me right in and get this c-section going…oh no, that was not to be.

I met Erin and Robin (delivery nurses) right away. I stripped down and was begging for drugs to help take the edge off the contractions. They did give me some fentanyl via IV to take the edge off of my contractions. Immediately I was loopy, but better. It didn’t take the pain away, but at least took the edge off. Then my doctor came in. Dr. F wasn’t the warmest guy, but I totally felt great about his quality of care. He was just fairly procedural. Chip called it scientific. I think he’s spot on. Anyway, the nurse had checked me at about 8:20 and I was dilated to 4-5 centimeters and about 80% effaced. 20 minutes later I was dilated to 8 centimeters. I was fighting contraction pain and the kick of the fentanyl wasn’t touching the pain. By now, my delivery team and doctor tell me that there’s really no time for a c-section and we’ll go for a VBAC. I asked for an epidural and was hanging on for the anethesiologist to come in after being in a c-section. Meanwhile I was yelling pretty loud. I felt a little embarrassed, but the pain was so great it just happened with each contraction. Chip was right there and held my hand as I tried to keep control of myself with each contraction. I’m fairly sure that I squeezed it pretty hard.

The next thing I know my water breaks. Well…no epidural. Everything will be natural and should happen within a short time. I was panicking in my mind because I had not prepared myself for natural childbirth. In my mind, it was supposed to be methodic and scheduled. I was most concerned about my recovery and having small children. I asked nurse Erin what it would be like. She said “think ring of fire”. I said aloud “I don’t know if I can do this” and started to cry. Still trying manage getting through contractions that seemed to be one after another. Meanwhile, my doctor was there for quite some time and didn’t say much. That was a little strange, but he was watching and waiting. Robin and Erin were very much in control of the situation. Chip was still letting me squeeze his hand off and talking to me. Telling me that I COULD do it. Then it was time to push. I was yelling my head off. I would make it through that contraction and felt bad for about 2 seconds. I remember apologizing for being so noisy. Then it came again. My body seemed to do what it was supposed to do. Erin and Robin were telling me to hold my breath. I was crying and yelling at the same time. I couldn’t put it all together in my mind to make it all work. It felt surreal. I could hear everything, or at least I felt like I could, but I couldn’t follow the instructions of anyone. Perhaps at that point my doctor said something, but I’m not sure. I could understand what was being said. The execution wasn’t there. So after a bit more time I could hear Erin telling me to try to not scream, but to hold my breathe and use that force. I finally tried to focus on that. I went for it and I could sort of hear Chip telling me I was almost there. I tried again with all the force I had. Then once again. Then I see this baby on me. He had a full head of dark hair, wet and curly. His little cry made me cry. He was born at 9:17 a.m. and weighed in at a hefty 7 lbs. 10 oz. The biggest baby I’ve ever had.

I felt immediate relief physically, but was incredibly emotional. Chip cut the cord and little Carter was out in the world! From there on, it was an odd experience because I had Kaitlyn and Gillian vaginally, but had epidurals. So it was both painful and a new experience to have all the after stuff that happens going on. Some stitches were needed. That was somewhat painful, but my doctor was generous with the local every time I complained. I was so wrapped up in everything else, that I didn’t realize that all of the events from walking into the hospital to the completion of the birth was approximately 1 hour and 10 minutes. Before long I was transferred to postpartum. Audrey was our first visitor and brought a little platypus for Carter that is blue with huge eyes. It’s cute. She brought a turkey sandwich for Chip. I was starving by then, but nothing looked too appealing.

When I went to postpartum, it was to a wing of the hospital that was typically closed because all other rooms were being used. It looked fairly dated and was small. Poor Chip had a cot which didn’t look very comfy. The hospital bed wasn’t all that great either, but both of us were tired. I was a little disappointed because I had heard that there were “suites” and this definitely was not what I would classify as a suite. A few hours later we were moved and it was a beautiful suite with a great view and very spacious. The convertible bed for Chip really didn’t look any more comfortable than the cot. In fact it looked more firm. The poor guy still managed to sleep on it. He had gone home for a few hours to check on the boys and be there until bed time. It was good that he could. I was incredibly grateful to not have had a c-section and be dealing with a surgical recovery.

I found myself very emotional as the night wore on. I’ve struggled with depression and particularly after my babies. It was a bit of the aftermath of birth and the surges of hormones I think. There were just so many thoughts running through my head that I couldn’t seem to shut off. My night nurse Shelly came in to check on me and ended up staying for quite awhile. She shared with me her postpartum depression experience. There was a lot of weeping from me. We shared our histories and it just meant so much to me to connect with her. Every single person I came in contact with from the engineer who fixed the TV to the CNAs and nurses were so compassionate and just really nice. It was a far cry from the nursing staff in Vegas when we had the boys.

We decided to head home the next day instead of staying 2 days in the hospital. I was really unsure about that, but also felt the need to be at home.

Lost 3 lbs. Gained a total of 22 lbs. Belly and back are just incredibly painful. Works is busy. Preparing to go on maternity leave on June 1.

Not craving sugar as much, really loving Del Taco. Makes no sense, but it’s true.

Mom come from Winnemucca. It was great to see her! It had been since the end of January since she’d visited. The boys, although a little bit confused at first, were all over seeing grandma fairly quickly. On 5/14, Kristy posted on my FB page to call her “tomorrow” before 3, so that meant today before 3. Mom was in the shower and I was getting myself ready. It was really hard for me because I have so much animosity towards her. It’s probably built up so much now that it’s not very nice. I’ll admit that much. Kristy said she was really sad she wasn’t going to be able to be here for the shower. I told her I agreed. Then she told me a coworker had gall bladder surgery and that it just wasn’t going to happen. I told her I didn’t like it, but that’s life. I was pretty frank, but could’ve said SO much more but didn’t because she got the point of what I felt and I felt like I made myself clear. She herself brought up many more items than I would have. Finally I said it is what it is. She communicated that I couldn’t possibly understand how hard it was for her. I think I absolutely can, but did not argue the point. Does that make me weak or strong? Sometimes I’m just not sure. The whole situation with my family is so frustrating. My perspective is that we up and moved to depend on them and here we are. On an island. There’s always an excuse. ALWAYS. It’s financial, it’s work it’s time, it’s whatever you want to insert. Perhaps it sounds selfish and I certainly don’t mean to be, but OMG, I really can’t do it anymore. It was so much stress at first, but now it’s beyond that. I’m not sure what to call it, but it’s beyond that. So the conversation was fairly terse vs. combative. We hung up soon after. Kristy was crying. I was just frustrated.