Category: Family Life

The day-to-day juggle: kids, marriage, and everything in between.

The hits just keep on comin’…and not in a good way

Ah the joys of having a new baby, crazy emotions and lots of things going on.  Life is complicated right now.  Throw in very little sleep and well it’s sort of a mess.

While I’m on maternity leave it has also been an opportunity to begin to clean up our house and our messes.  The other “must be dealt with” messes are 3 houses that we can’t sell and with the child support issues we will no longer be able to pay the mortgages unless we do something drastic.  Chip and I have decided the drastic and least damaging would be to do a short sale.  The complicated piece is that although we’re losing a significant amount of money, 2 of the 3 properties are rented.  What to do about those families?  Where is the line?
 Primarily all of the disaster is due to the court issues we’ve had.  There are other factors like getting a bill for $300.00 from our landscaper at one of the houses that we are being fined by the homeowners association.  So, let me find some sort of logic in the fines of $1,500.00 for a “dead lawn” on an occupied property…

All of it makes me want to run away screaming.  Especially the business with the state.  I finally get my caseworker on the phone who basically treats me as a criminal.

6/1 – Little boy milestones….

Ben sat on the potty tonight and little, itty bitty poo ended up in the frog potty. It’s very humorous really, but he was wailing like crazy because daddy slapped him on the pot when he appeared to be trying to poop. It’s crazy around here where poop is concerned. Each boy judges the other as to whether or not they “took a dump” “so and so has a nuuuuuuuget”. Sometimes RyRy just has a “tail”. Daddy has made it a game and it’s funny. What’s not so funny is the diaper rash and the constipation that we continually suffer. We should have bought stock in the MiraLax company.

We are so proud of Ben for sitting on the potty, but man he wailed the whole way. Even when we rewarded with M&Ms and a Hershey bar. Holy crap he had melted chocolate all over his hand, still crying and it became sorta comical. Ryan was crying with sympathy and Gary was hurrying right out of his diaper to get M&Ms. It was so funny but yet mixed with mayhem and chaos all at once.

Before all of this, Chip went to get them up this morning and since we’ve changed the room into toddler beds only. I mean just toddler beds, a couple of blankets, one stuffed animal and milk cups. Somehow they managed to move the beds to the center of the room. The beds no longer have wheels on the bottom. I couldn’t believe it myself.

So back to bedtime we go. Boys go to bed and screw off. Slamming the blinds open and closed because that’s all there is in the room. Flipping the mattress over to the wrong side. Again, because that’s all there is in the room. No dresser, no nothing. So Chip goes up when the noise level was getting elevated. What do you know…beds in smashed in the corner and 2 of 3 boys with full diapers. Now it’s only been about 1 hour since they went to bed. Everyone clean, blankets and goodnight kisses.

Chip and I look at each other and wonder what the hell we’re doing. It keeps us so busy it’s exhausting. Throw in jobs, the girls who aren’t here and one more on the way…oh MY goodness. It seems almost too much for us. We wearily eat dinner, which is usually cheese and crackers, cereal, or some frozen thing and vegetate in front of the TV. Here it is almost 10:30 and we’re in bed, trying to geek out, watch TV and rest a little before we start again tomorrow. Every day is very similar to today. Sometimes they are so much worse. The whining and crying drive me crazy and hauling my pregnant self around makes it pretty unpleasant.

I still believe without a doubt that I would not change a thing. Every day is a challenge some days worse than others. I love having this family, but man. I need to vent…thank you blog for my little place in the world to talk it out of my head.

5/19 – First potty sit and family dinner

Today was quite the day. The boys are getting so big! Gary sat on the potty all by himself with NO diaper. Surely this is mundane for most, but not in our house! It was a milestone for us. This prompted a huge temper tantrum from Ben because Gary got M&Ms for sitting on the potty. He wailed for probably 20 minutes. The other two boys are completely mortified of sitting on the potty. It’s sorta funny, but then again not because they are so terrified. For the life of me I can’t figure out why. Chip has taken them into the bathroom and shown them how it was done. Ever since the boys really haven’t wanted anything to do with potty. I even bought 3 different potty chairs to make it more fun. I’m not sure what else to try. They seem to be unable to put it all together. Gary however loved the glory today and sat on all 3 potty chairs with a naked but. Ironically he was wearing a shirt that said “Future President” that Christina brought for them from D.C. It was pretty cute.

We also had another first. Dinner at the table with the 5 of us. It was simple. Basically hamburger stroganoff with veggies and mushrooms thrown in. Poured over the top of wheat egg noodles. It didn’t even really taste fantastic, but it was a moment that we hadn’t experienced yet. It didn’t seem to phase them. The boys were all over the map. Talking constantly and saying funny things. It cracked Chip and I up. They spent a fair amount of time saying “more bootie” and “more noodles”. We kept telling them to “stab your noodles”.

We ended the evening with chocolate cupcake from Costco. I’ve been craving them, so they are in the fridge from Mother’s Day. I like the white cake so the boys get the chocolate ones. They’re to die for! Anyway, we brushed their teeth after. All of them enjoyed that which was great.

It all then fell apart. Gary threw a fit over putting his pajamas on. Chip had him all but pinned to the floor. He was kicking and screaming the whole way. Of course then Ryan went off because he was scared for Gary. Ben was quiet, but then again he had his moment earlier in the day. It’s so crazy to hear them wail. It’s like fingernails down a chalkboard for 30 minutes at a time. All three carried on for at least that long at least once, probably more like twice each.

May – The beginning of the end…

First week of May. Changed my mind from getting a tubal. Chip will get a vasectomy. I communicate this to him via IM from the bedroom to the office. Sorta funny, but it’s just the kind of geeks we are.

5/5 – Meme meets the boys! I was so excited and really appreciated the effort of my aunt Joyce, who is always busy. It was very important to me that since Meme is 94 years old that she meet her great grandsons. She’s still amazingly active. They stayed about 20 min. It was so good to see her.

5/5 – Contacted our real estate agent Maria to see if it’s prudent to short sell the Vegas houses. She indicated we’d have to tell our renters, which for Sweet Jewel was fine, but our other house is rented by a nice but young family who signed…but not really signed because they had issues with one clause…an 18 month lease. It bothers me to have to tell them. We opt to put it on hold for a little bit and figure out what we really want to do. Barely treading water and trying to pay everything will not continue to work long term. The home owners association is after us for mega fees for a “dead” lawn that we have pictures of it not being dead. What a mess.

5/6 – See a FBook post of Ron visiting Kristy. Ugh…I can’t stand that guy. I have such strong feelings about him too. None of it good. Seems like more and more Reno trips from Kristy, but she never stops to visit. It’s disheartening to know we moved here and that our adopted families from out of state come visit more often than my family that is either in town or at the very most 3 hours away.

5/7 – Christina surprises me with arrival for Mother’s Day weekend. AWESOME! It was so great to see her. Always is. She’s amazing and definitely a sister to me. The boys are incredibly happy to see their ‘Nina. We take boys to the playground which was really windy, but still fun. It was great that Christina and Chip could play with them since it’s harder and harder for me to move around as my belly continues to grow. The only hard part was seeing Christina go. Our visits are so fun and the boys are just so excited to hang out with her.

5/9 – It was a lovely Mother’s Day. Chip brings Tuberose stems from Costco with great Mexican food and Costco CUPCAKES! Those cupcakes have been an obsession during this pregnancy. Definitely not healthy, but boy were they YUMILICIOUS! We had a wonderful night. My life is blessed with my wonderful husband. He does so much for our family and for me. Takes care of me during pregnancy and wrangles the little guys. We all do a lot, but he REALLY does a lot. I could not function without him and feel so fortunate to be married to him.

5/12 – Lunch with The Nugget girls. Amanda, Michelle, Christine and Audrey. Great gifts at Great Basin. We had a lovely lunch and nice little “Nugget Baby Shower”. So many wonderful gifts. I so enjoy living here and having such good true friends. I do miss the few awesome friends I have in Vegas, but have met some really good people here. All these ladies are good eggs! Those are hard to come by.

34 wks, 5 days appointment…see next post.

Rest of April

My new company is an amazing company and I feel incredibly fortunate to have the opportunity to work for them. I’m especially grateful that I was hired while pregnant and that the benefits package is so good that I do get 6 to 8 weeks paid leave. That’s so rare these days. However, the job continues to be a bit challenging. I think I’m realizing that the company is growing really fast and restructuring at the same time, which has put a lot on the account managers. I think the other element is that I’ve been doing the same thing for 10 years and this is totally different…sorta. Distribution, but all points of distribution for hotels. It’s really interesting to take it all in, but I find I am frustrated trying to remember all the processes and points that need to be touched in any given situation from a customer. From new hotels to using a highly customized version of SF.com, some days are really tough. Throw in an emotional pregnant lady and some days are SO not pretty. Some days have been exhausting. I also have a hard time working for this woman I report to. She seems to micromanage. Copy her on all emails? Lordy! be realistic!

I am finding that I’m becoming really bitter not seeing my family. Especially my mom and my sister. My sister seems to come and go to Reno and can’t find time to stop when she has no choice but to pass my exit every time she is in town. Chip tells me to let it go, but it’s not easy to know that we moved here for more support and it just hasn’t happened. Lately I understand about my mom not being here because she was hired as a temp for the census. I’m excited for her because I know she can do it and be an independent person. She has struggled since my dad passed. Struggled in every aspect. Hopefully this will be a long enough term to help get things in order. I often wish I could do more for her. It’s also a shame that when someone dies and doesn’t have insurance that basically if the spouse didn’t work that it’s very difficult. Of course any sort of assistance takes forever if you’re not in the system. It’s rough.

April also brought a very pleasant surprise. J.F.’s mom reached out to me. I was surprised and happy. A few years ago she reached out as well and I wasn’t ready and told her so. Now times are different, the girls are older and it’s a much better time and place to have J.F.’s family in my life and in the girl’s lives. They do need to know their family. To what extent I’m not sure yet, but they do need to know a select few. It has been really nice to begin to build a relationship. I’m not sure how to integrate this new relationship into the girl’s life, but we’ll find a way. It was surprising to hear the voice of support. For that I’m grateful. We’ll see how things go as we communicate more. That looks like it might be a very good thing!

The Present…The Family…

It’s been very crazy and stressful on top of pregnancy. These posts are brief, but I want to be able to hit the high points. This blog is my “diary” of sorts. Things I want to remember, yet sometimes want to forget. I hope that in the future when things improve I can look back and be proud we made it through the situations.

4/08 – Kaitlyn and her asthma meds, hospital experience. Had to fly to Vegas, but could not get a flight until the next morning.

4/09 – Kaitlyn at Siena, transferred to Montevista. J.F. and I pull her out of Montevista. Nurses and quack doctor refuse to let us go. Nurses have had about 5 minutes with her and the doctor just “decided” that she shouldn’t leave. He indicated he would get CPS involved to come after us. We leave with Kaitlyn after the staff had told her we had left without even saying goodbye! Kaitlyn was “integrated” right away. It was a cold and somewhat uncontrolled place. It just seemed wrong and that it wasn’t the solution. It took a call and much political correctness to convince the chief of staff (Doctor) that we were OK to leave. We went “against the advice of the doctor” but we got the hell out. For once, despite our unspoken child support fight, J.F. and I came together to make the best decisions for Kaitlyn. I could not believe we were dealing with this situation. It worries me. I learn during this visit that J.F. and Kaitlyn are fighting all the time. Of course I was never clued in, but now it’s crisis and Kaitlyn won’t discuss it, but John has plenty to say about her potty mouth and defiance. Part of it is that she’s 14 and maybe she’s discovering that her dad isn’t full of the magic she once thought. Maybe it’s depression…yep, that’s it according to her dad and because I’ve fought it for half my life, it’s from me. He doesn’t come out and say this, but it’s very clear. I think…OK, whatever. The main issue is to help our daughter, whatever that may be.

I end up staying at J.F.’s house and overnighted, which was not my plan. I stayed in Gillian’s room, Gillian bunked with John and Kaitlyn in her room. I told both the girls that this was a rare occurrence for a specific reason and that I had no plans of getting back together with their dad. However, after spending the day with him and despite our coming together to help Kaitlyn, I realized (for the millionth time) why we were never good together and never should have been. We are such different people. I could go on for days about it, but I won’t. ‘Nuff said.

4/12 through 4/15 – Last trip before delivery to the Dallas office. Met Carrie for the first time. Still attempting to get a grip on all the processes and options for my Sabre customers as well as dealing with pregnancy brain. It was an exhausting 4 days, but so great to meet Kristin in person. I attached to her hip all week and she was WONDERFUL! I also spent a bit of time with Carrie chatting and that great. Connie is wonderful too. Also met Will and David. It’s a fabulous group and again, I’m so grateful to work at home and for a good company such as SHS. Not sure about my director. The micromanagement frustrating. I feel like it’s more of a peer relationship vs. director to manager. There’s a lot that bugs me about it. I’m not the only one. Our team has all expressed (to each other) our skepticism.

4/15 – Returned from Dallas to a notice from child support office notifying me of revoking of driver’s license. Due to lack of payment. Never mind the fact that the NV child support office indicated that they would be garnishing my wages, which they never did. Then I faxed the sheet back that notified of the drivers license revocation indicating I wanted a payment plan. They still have the amounts wrong. I also have faxed the schedule of payments that John had provided. I still cannot get my caseworker Ms. Carpenter to talk to me. It’s so frustrating. However, I am not excited about getting John involved and begging him to get the state off of my back. When it rains it pours…I swear to god!

4/20 – Our taxes are now late. We’ve discovered we’re facing a 6k tax bill due to “making too much money”. Thus we are unable to write off 16k in loss from the houses. It’s funny (not haha) that we seem to make so much money and we really have to think twice about ordering a pizza. We can’t even think of doing anything else. There just isn’t any extra money. None. Nada. It’s very depressing. We keep chugging along. We are revisiting the short sale option. Maybe it’s even bankruptcy. I don’t know. I’m not even sure where to begin to talk to someone. More worries…more worries.